Maxim in critical care medicine: "All shock leads to distributive shock." AKA a safe answer when being pimped about what kind of shock a patient is in.
Patient: "I could hear a rat pissing on cotton." So you had a quiet night, huh? That's pretty rare in a hospital.
Me to a patient: "I will call your son to let him know you are on the floor." (AKA out of the emergency room)
Her: "He's a 25-year-old guy. You have to tell him I'm not literally on the floor,"
Surgical team x2: "We'll take out his larynx and it [aspiration] will no longer be a problem."
Us: That's a mighty big sledgehammer you're wielding there.
Me: "In Medicine we rely on the history 80 of the time."
Consultant: "In Dermatology we rely on physical exam 80% of the time." They apparently trust their own eyes and pattern recognition over any patient's ability to describe what their skin looked like yesterday, much less last week.
Radiologist: "Could the patient possibly have swallowed a tooth?" When the patient was well enough I later asked him, and yes, he thought he might have done.
Night team: "If you ever do this to me, I swear I will come back and haunt you." About a very old and frail patient being re-admitted again.
Radiologist reading an xray ordered "to check placement of PICC line": "No PICC line."
Radiologist about a chest xray: "Pleural effusion occupying 3040% of lung."
Patient: "If I'm going to die, you'd better call my wife and my baby mama." Reader, he did not die.
?Attending: "I got an iced coffee, 'cause it's special to me."
Editor's Note: This month's rotation also brought the random guy in the waiting room googling symptoms for a second opinion, and RAINBOWS.
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Editor's Note: This month's rotation also brought the random guy in the waiting room googling symptoms for a second opinion, and RAINBOWS.
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